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the 3 types of marriage, all challenging

by:Newland     2019-10-31
Two years ago, psychologists wrote in an article describing how marriage was polarized: the best marriage today is better than the best marriage of previous generations;
The worst marriage is worse now;
Overall, the average marriage is weaker than the average marriage.
People now want marriage to meet their economic, emotional and spiritual needs.
But when some people spend a lot of moneyon-
Most people spend less time working on marriage and benefit from it, things slowly rot.
The way we talk about marriage is also polarized.
If you read popular literature, there are three different but not mutually exclusive perspectives to think about marriage decisions.
Most popular advice books are from a psychological point of view.
These books begin with the premise that marriage is a daunting prospect. Forty-
5% of marriages end in divorce;
10% of couples are separated but not divorced.
Psychologists want you to analyze and think romantic about who gets married.
Pay attention to features.
As \"science of happiness from now on\" wrote, you want to marry a person with a high score in \"pleasant\", he has a high degree of attention to social harmony, good at empathy, who is good.
You want to avoid people with high scores in neuroticism.
Someone who is emotionally unstable or prone to anger
Tashiro wrote, don\'t think that negative features will change over time, because they are constant throughout their lives.
Don\'t focus on irrelevant factors, such as looks.
Do not filter or rationalize negative information about your partner or relationship.
The second one is a romantic one.
Americans want to marry people they love more than people in many countries.
Their logic is that you need years of passionate love to blend you so that you will be together when it is difficult.
This is the process of a perfect description of a character in Louis de bernires\'s novel \"mandolin of Corelli\": \"When Love is burned, love itself is the rest. It\'s an accident of art and luck.
I ate it with your mother.
Our roots grow with each other underground, and when all the beautiful flowers fall from the branches, we find that we are a tree, not two.
In good marriage, 15% of couples maintain a lifelong romantic marriage.
The third lens is the lens of morality.
From this point of view, marriage is not just for existence, not just for childbirth.
It exists in order to serve some higher purpose, whether it is seeking the Kingdom of God for religion or for some common cause or for the service of humanity --
Strengthen projects for the secular.
In the meaning of marriage, marriage introduces itself to you;
You realize that you are not as noble and easy to get along with as you think.
There is a self-evident agreement in many marriages that is not to talk about the other party you do not appreciate.
But in a good marriage, you will find yourself selfish and see it as a fundamental problem.
You take it more seriously than your spouse\'s selfishness.
The daily task of marriage is to cultivate opportunities for more selfless love.
Every day there is a chance to inspire and encourage your partner to be his or her best self.
From this point of view, marriage is not a marriage for two people to meet their needs;
This is a common partnership of self.
Pay for the purpose of moral growth, to make their world better.
It is best to use these three lenses when getting married or living.
But it\'s different.
The psychological lens emphasizes that people\'s life has not changed much.
Especially after the age of 30, people may be more serious and happy, but the progress is not great.
In a romantic vision, the heart is changed by love at any age.
From a moral point of view, the transformation of the Spirit
Passion for more than two years in a lifetime-is the point.
The first two scenes are common in our culture.
In bookstores, songs and movies.
But it is not common to see marriage as a moral perspective of binding moral engineering.
Perhaps that\'s one of the reasons for the decline in average marital quality.
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