\"You need to arm yourself. \"I blinked at officer Portland in the living room. A bear in uniform- Pack guns, batons, radios, who knows what else --- Is a response to the ongoing tracking issue that started months ago. I received a letter, a phone call, several packages and several emails The email from this unbalanced stranger, who had read some of the newspaper stories I wrote, gave me a shine. When the latest letter arrived- Mentioned my boyfriend Mike, the idea about religion, and a trip I went on but didn\'t tell anyone --- I was shocked. But I will definitely hear him wrong. \"It is not difficult to obtain a concealed carrying permit,\" the official continued . \". They made Lady wallets with concealed weapon compartments. At that moment, I understood the phrase \"blood becomes ice. \"I\'m afraid of guns. I hate them when you start doing it. I used to date a guy with a pistol who used to travel long distances with his friends to shoot in the woods. Before I agreed to spend the night, I asked him to safely transfer the small gun from under the bed to another room. But it was like a perfect gun storm that morning. When I opened my eyes, the first thing Mike said to me --- Just a few hours before the officer made a suggestion, my neighbor revealed that she had been thinking about e-in my retired military uncle- Mailing says arming yourself might not be a bad idea-- \"Maybe you should buy a gun. \"Obviously, the universe really wants me to pack the heat. The officer saw the frustration on my face. \"Most gunshot wounds don\'t kill people,\" he assured me . \" \"This will be the selfdefense. \"The rest of the day, I stayed in a normal place. I have no hope of trying to finish any work. I will search for pistols on the Internet regularly. I found Oregon to be a right-to- Carry status, the cost of hiding the carry license is $65- $50 for four. Annual license for background checks and $15. I learned the difference between a pistol and a revolver. - The chamber of the revolver is like six. Hollywood Westerns shooter- I read that one. 357 Magnan and. 38 especially suitable for women who are interested in their guns They are defensive because they are relatively light, are not easily disturbed, and do not carry too many bullets. Because who really needs a 20- A Web Review wrote that when you\'re defending a tracking freak, the circular magazine says \"six or seven bullets are good for you \". But the idea of having a gun made me sick. When I took a nap that afternoon, I dreamed someone pointed at me. Shoot me. When I thought about it, I realized that I grew up with a gun at home --- From antique rifles mounted on the wall of the sun porch to Pony rifles. In my father\'s sock drawer. When I was 7 years old, I watched my cousins shoot targets at a family farm in Virginia. I even took the hot shell as a souvenir. As a teenager, I bought a Daisy air pistol for my own money. I must be my only single girl. Sex prep school with weapons, I often train with it, which is probably the reason why I became a paintball master after many years ( Code Name: Salad Shooter). Even the ex- People in the military are clamoring for me to join their ranks. But it\'s far from what it carries. -or firing --live rounds. I was anxious out loud when Mike tried to sleep. I told him that a gun in the House made me sick and I was worried that the weapon would be opened by one of us and that there would be an accident. I told him that I believe in compassion and peace. I told him the idea of the gun was a compromise on my principles. Mike sighed. \"Which one do you prefer, to damage your principles, or to be kidnapped by a madman\", and this is when the old Theodore Roosevelt motto suddenly appears in my mind --- \"Speak softly, take a big stick \"-- I finally got it. I can still be the regular girl I have always been compassionate, diplomatic and inter-religious; In case of negotiation, I will pack the heat. When I received another letter from the tracker- A movie schedule with a screening time and a very familiar handwritten note next to it --- Mike found the nearest gun dealer and put me in the car. \"I was annoyed by this guy,\" he told me . \". \"I have enough pressure without this. \"So now, after background checks and fingerprint identification, I have my own Rigg. 38 Special --a black, five-shot double- Action revolver perfect for my little hand. I was scared when I first went to the shooting range. The police behind the counter laughed at my Luger. \"Oh, you have a small gun! \" he said. He warned me how powerful it would be to sit back, which made me even more afraid. The woman standing next to me leaned down and whispered, \"don\'t mind the guys who want to be big men. \"Her packaging is the same as mine. Another officer sympathized with me and took me into range to show every step of loading, holding, aiming and firing my weapons. He showed me how to stand and how to pop up the shell after that. Still, even with ear protection, I jump every time someone pulls the trigger. There was a lot of gunfire. My hand was shaking when I was loading. 38, I still flinch whenever someone in the next lane shoots. 45. I focused on everything the officer showed me. I tilt the barrel down and my fingers curl around the cylinder until I\'m ready to fix it back in place. I remember taking the thumb off the gun and holding it firmly on the meat part between the thumb and the hand. I aim, put my finger on the trigger and shoot. The gun kicked a lot, but it wasn\'t as powerful as I was worried about, and it was even more surprising than the pain. I played a few more rounds and adjusted my back seat and my own jump target. After I went through two full cylinders-10 bullets -- Mike glanced at the paper target. Not only did each shot hit the target, but it also hit my paper dummy\'s chest and head directly. Mike was impressed. To be frank, so do I. After going through a box of 50 rounds I left the range with black The fingers taste like gunpowder. My hand hurts the next day. The truth is-- Two months later, more goal practices- I\'m still not feeling well with a pistol in the house. Every time a dog breaks out in the middle of the night, my thoughts immediately enter my mind. 38. But I\'m not as scared of my tracker as I used to be. I am armed now with more than words and goodwill. If he visits, he will write to you all the time. . . Jenny has a gun. She knows how to use it. Freelance writer Jennifer Willis, who specializes in topics related to sustainable life, religion/spirit, history and health, is a founding member of the Oregon news incubator. She lives in Portland, Oregon, with two big dogs. , Can be found on www. jennifer-willis. com.